Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Bleah. Ugh. Ack.

Well, heck. I must be in trouble. A couple of people close to me now have asked me if I'm okay.

The short answer is "no, not really." The longer answer is that I'm depressed. Ugh. No idea why--it's not like something has happened to cause a case of the blues. And, it's not sad depressed, such as uncontrollable sobbing. It's lethargic-depressed. I'm just not in the mood to do anything. (Well, except for maybe painting and watching a couple of tv shows--and even then I have to muster the energy to do that.) My job isn't bringing me joy this summer. Playing Castle Age on Facebook suddenly seems less like fun and more like a job, too. I must do this; I must do that. Frankly, I just don't feel like doing anything.

I keep searching for "reasons"--maybe just the anticlimactic feeling one gets after doing something really exciting, like the trip to Egypt. Except... I've been back for a month now, so you'd think that have passed.

Or maybe it's hormonal. Or maybe I've just been eating too much junk (ice cream) and am experiencing blood sugar crashes.

I post silly jokes to try and be funny, and I'm happy to say I haven't totally lost my capacity to smile, but then last night I got dinged by Facebook for violating the Terms of Service. Apparently somebody reported a joke I'd posted. What's peculiar is that I'd found it on Facebook and merely shared it. But I'm not even upset about it. What I feel is disappointed that whoever reported it didn't feel they could simply directly ask me to take it down if they found it offensive or inappropriate. Now, see, I'm left wondering whether the person is just someone who is uptight, or whether they were afraid their kids might see it, or....? So I'm left in the funny position of not knowing whether or not I should even care.

Which makes it hard to, well, care.

So, sorry my blog has been quiet lately. It's because I've been occupying this weird mental space. I'm sure this, too, shall pass. 


Eileen Pennington said...

i find screaming at the heavens and banging on drums..or banging my head against the wall.. **Shrugs** all seem to help keep me from jumping out my window.'s the deal...don't know about you, but i am in a permanent state of just below happy all the time...and then things start happening that aren't good..and they seem to follow some karmic law of all at once...and my thermostatic point gets lower...and so i actually become more depressed. and it just seems like i can never get out of it.

but, (and i know you know this) eventually we do...somehow..whether by going on meds, or by increasing meds or by shouting 'f--- you' (to keep the tattle tale calm) at the universe or just by finding something, anything that sounds even the least bit remotely like fun to do... will pass...sometime...just dance the tango with it til it does...



Eileen Pennington said...

and...i do tend to listen well, you ever want to talk.

Joyce said...

Thanks. I appreciate that. I'm sure I'll be fine since I always seem to manage to bounce back. Maybe it's just the heat.

Off to C's mom and dad's tomorrow for a weekend of good ole mountain time fishing and hiking and target shooting, so perhaps that'll reground me.