Saturday, July 7, 2012
There can be no healthy relationship of any kind (friendship, kinship, romantic) if there is not complete trust in each other. Lose that, you lose it all. Trust is one of the hardest things--if not THE hardest thing--to regain. Actions always speak louder than words. Truth is, some people are self-deluded: they may think they'll do the thing they promise, but when push comes to shove, they won't. Their words are based on a lack of self-knowledge.
Others hide things or tell fibs about themselves because they're afraid if you knew the truth about them, you wouldn't like them. Ultimately that's a dead-end strategy. The truth will out. Besides, why would you want a relationship with anybody who didn't like you for the person you actually are?
Blind trust is equally foolish. There are simply too many people who are willing to prey on the gentle-hearted who too easily give others the benefit of the doubt. Remember that people need to earn your trust. This doesn't mean walking around being paranoid and suspicious all the time; it merely means to not put complete faith in someone until they've shown you, time and again by their actions, that they deserve it.
Remember that old saying: "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me."
Trust has been a hard lesson for me. I've been self-deluded and hurt others unintentionally because of it--yet I still hurt them, and it's the result that's important. I've participated in deceptions and felt awful about it because, even though my own side of the street was clean, I still was a part of another person's lie. And naturally I've been lied to and cheated on--haven't most of us at some point? Any one of these seats you may sit in is a sucky-assed place to be.
Bottom line is, treat other people the way you want to be treated: don't lie and don't betray their trust. And treat YOURSELF the way you want to be treated: don't abide lying, untrustworthy people in your life. It's like asking to be hurt.