Saturday, March 10, 2012

This Is a Real Conversation

So, I got out of the shower this morning and was toweling off in the bathroom while Chelle hovered near the sink, doing various and sundry grooming-related things. The following conversation ensued:

Chelle: Damn, I'm getting fat.

Me: It's okay, so am I.

Chelle: Oh, yeah, you're just FINE with me being fat because then nobody will want to steal me away from you!

Me: Yep. You've figured me out.

Chelle: Seriously, though, look at this pudge.

Me: Honey, I really don't care. You're perfect for me.

Chelle: (grumbling noise)

Me: Look. I've gotten pretty wide and it seems to have made no difference. Just as many people still flirt with me.

Chelle: PEOPLE FLIRT WITH YOU?

Me: People always flirt with me!

Chelle: Nobody flirts with me.

Me: I'll bet you they do--you just don't notice it.

Chelle: I'd think I know if people flirted with me.

Me: Nope. You're oblivious.

Chelle: Nobody flirts with me because they FEAR me!

Me: Oh please.

Chelle: They don't fear you, so they flirt with you.

Me: That must be it. They flirt with me because they think I'm easy.

Chelle: Stop being so easy.

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