Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Don't Be Stupid

The game Battle Shots is catching on as a new drinking game. At first, when I saw this picture going around on Facebook, I thought it was a joke, but no. There's actually a board game and people are playing it for real. See?

Oh, I remember drinking games in college. We played Quarters; Pass Out (another board game); Thumper; and Zoom, Schwartz, Profigliano. But these were all beer games (even Beer Pong is a beer game), and typically we did a "take a drink" as in sip, not chug a whole beer. So shots? I dunno. Count the "ships" on the board there--I can't imagine doing 16 shots in what? The thirty minutes it takes to play a round of Battleship?

Shots of beer, sure.

Shots of straight liquor, no way. At the height of my alcoholism, 15 drinks in an evening wasn't abnormal for me--it was actually more the norm--but they were spread out over about six to eight hours and I had a decent tolerance for alcohol.

I can see some dumb freshman during Rush Week sitting down to play Battle Shots; some kid who's used to maybe having two or three beers--okay, maybe even a six-pack; and stupidly downing 16 shots of whiskey in thirty minutes.

So, we are talking Emergency Room, puking, yeehaw, alcohol poisoning, possible death, what fun.

I don't mean to be a party pooper. (But every party has a pooper; that's why y'all invited me, right?) Responsible drinking is something I'm all for. (I just can't master that myself, having, apparently, no stop button installed.) So I'll just say this: Don't try to sink every ship playing this game. Quit before it's done. Or fill the shot glasses with beer instead of liquor.

Whatever you do, don't get the bright, alcoholic's idea of mixing things up, like the destroyers are vodka, the cruiser is rum, the battleship is tequila. You want sick? If you survive it, you'll be praying to the Porcelain Goddess for a couple days.

And remember: binge drinking, for males, is defined as five or more drinks in one sitting. For women, it's four. Don't make binge drinking a habit.

Your brain cells, your liver, and you will thank me one day.

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