Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Paranoia Will Destroy Ya
Fortunately, with sobriety came the realization that very seldom is it even about me: if someone has an issue with me and we can't talk it out, sometimes that says more about them than it does about me.
A case in point: once a coworker got a new girlfriend and was sharing her excitement about that with me in a text message conversation. She said (and I thought she was saying it proudly): "She's got abs! Six-pack abs!"
To which I responded, "Oooh, hot! :-)"
There was a pause and then came her next text: "She's mine! You keep your hands off her."
No smiley, no j/k, so I wasn't sure how to take this. But maybe she was kidding. So I answered, "Um, yeah, I'm married, so I don't think you need to worry." (And I was also thinking, "and not to mention that I don't even know this person.")
And she responded, "Yeah, okay, must be my Scorpio jealousy."
I wished her luck in her new relationship and dropped the conversation.
But in the past, when I was drinking and taking everything personally, which would trigger me to drink even more, I would've gotten upset over the implicit accusation that had been fired at me: I don't trust you to not try to take her away from me. Why would she think that about me? Does she think I don't respect other people's relationships? Does she think I'm a huge jerk? Does she think I'd have sex with any person who had six-pack abs? How shallow does she--how shallow do people in general--think I am?
Today, I look at this conversation and I see that, instead, her implicit accusation had everything to do with HER, and absolutely nothing to do with me. It not only suggests what she admitted to--that she struggles with jealousy--but it suggests she's entirely insecure. She projects what she fears onto other people.
Well, needless to say, her relationship with that person lasted for maybe a year, something like that. And there have been other instances in which I've seen her do a similar thing: take a perfectly innocent statement way out of context, attribute a villainous motive to the poor soul who uttered it, and blow up. Consequently, the day another colleague referred to her as "crazy," I wasn't surprised.
Others have noticed her erratic behavior too.
This is on my mind today because she did it again yesterday--she accused a group of colleagues of being cliquish bullies. The accusation took everybody by surprise, and nobody seems to have a clue what she's talking about. Clearly there is some history in this woman's own mind that makes her assume something like that, but who knows?
I guess it bothers me a little because I saw one of the accused take it personally. However, she chose to let it roll off her, so that's okay.
And really, if you really want to avoid a lot of wasted energy, heartache, and drama, this is the about the only way you can respond to a difficult person like this. Let it go in one ear and out the other. It has nothing at all to do with you--it's their bullshit.
Or, as Chelle is fond of saying, "She's got issues."