Friday, May 21, 2010
I'm thinking about obsessions today. As my "sober time" increases, I find I obsess much less about things. The small stuff really used to get to me. If someone looked at me sideways, I'd worry about it all day and into the next day until I was distracted by a new obsession. If something didn't work out the way I'd wanted, I'd relive it over and over in my head, trying to figure out where things got off track. But because I'd never want to admit to myself I'd done something wrong, I'd cook up some uncontrollable "bad thing" the other person had done to thwart us or some unforeseeable circumstance interfering, akin to a tornado touching down.
Today I understand that very rarely do things happen in a vacuum, and there's always plenty of blame to go around for all parties involved. Some things can't be helped; some things can. The key is to learn from it and move on.
Because I could never learn from a situation, they always remained unresolved in my own head and I couldn't really move on. I hated that "loose ends" feeling. I always wanted some kind of vindication, and because it wasn't forthcoming, I couldn't get past it. I fretted over people and situations for years sometimes. Not so badly I was kept awake nights and such (don't get me wrong), but it was hard to just put something down altogether. I obsessed. It's no wonder I drank.
But the drinking, of course, didn't make it better. It only kept me stuck.
I look at some people now with a fair amount of empathy because I can see only too clearly that they're stuck obsessing over something. Empathy: because I know it's not a fun place to be in. At the same time, I feel, in some cases, a bit of annoyance, especially if the obsession involves me. Look here, I want to say. I've owned my part of things, have learned, and have moved on. So, please stop involving me in your unresolved crap. Or, if you have something to say, just say it. I promise, there is no way I can jump out of the computer and bite you. Just say what you want to say. And then move on. Life is too short.
One thing's for sure: people who obsess over things are NOT mentally healthy. I know. I've been there. I was sick.
If you're obsessing over something, snap out of it. Get help. That may sound mean, but it is actually the best, most loving advice I can give you.