Tuesday, March 2, 2010

You're Only as Sick as Your Secrets

"You're only as sick as your secrets." This applies to everybody, not just to people in recovery. Secrets eat at your conscience. My sponsor said to me just last week that if you really think about it, most of the time if you're feeling guilty about something, it's because there's something that needs to be said that isn't being voiced.

Yesterday in a meeting, I saw something that bears this out. The woman giving the share hadn't planned to blurt this out to the group (most of whom were perfect strangers to her), but she did. She admitted that she carried a lot of shame and self-loathing because she used to be a prostitute. She relied on men to keep afloat because (she thought then) they were the only thing that brought her self-esteem. And, of course, the opposite was true. In actuality, she hated herself for what she was doing. But she couldn't look at that and tried to drink it away.

The worst secrets are the ones we keep from ourselves.

And I could almost see the guilt about holding on to that secret for so long peel away from her face, and her shoulders straightened as that burden was lifted.

The truth is precious. Tell your truth, live your truth, whatever it may be.

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