DONALD TRUMP is unimpressed with the current batch of Hollywood heartthrobs and heartbreakers, insisting GEORGE CLOONEY is "short" and ANGELINA JOLIE is "no great beauty". The billionaire, 61, insists his position as proprietor of the Miss USA pageant makes him an authority on who is hot and who is not. Trump tells talk show host Larry King, "One of the perceptions I had of George Clooney was he was this big, strong guy. And he was very little when I met him." He adds of Jolie, "Angelina Jolie is sort of amazing because everyone thinks she's like this great beauty. And I'm not saying she's an unattractive woman, but she's not beauty, by any stretch of the imagination. "I really understand beauty. And I will tell you, she's not - I do own Miss. Universe. I do own Miss USA. I mean I own a lot of different things. I do understand beauty, and she's not."Where do I begin? Dang, y'all, I'm a dyke and I wouldn't kick Clooney out of bed! But here's Trump stuck on the man's height. Tsk, tsk. Tain't height that makes might. As for Angelina Jolie not being a beauty, I suppose Trump means she's not a bleached-blonde bimbo who'd do his bidding.
What's more hilarious is that he apparently thinks he OWNS beauty, as if his money and purchase of pageants have given him the authority to define the word. Mr. Trump (don'tcha love his name? It sounds like he's an elephant blowing his trunk-bugle), that's the great thing about real beauty. It's ineffable. It's like being a great jazz musician; the music's either in your soul or it's not, and it changes with every person. It's certainly not something you can purchase (half of silicone Hollywood has tried and proven that doesn't work). Beauty is more about how the inner and outer qualities of a person combine to make others feel. Beauty can't be bought--it's priceless.